common summer problems

 due to a number of factors, i often find myself stuck in my house during summer or other school breaks. this causes me to waste my time online working on projects that usually go nowhere. its pretty depressing. this also makes it so that i hardly have any memories of summer, so there are large gaps in my memory between school the years. this summer, being the last summer of my "youth", i wanted things to be different. i wanted to grow a spine! go out there and do some cool stuff! and... ive done some cool stuff. relatively. my initial idea of going on adventures around the city proved to be kinda unrealistic... and my usual family problems have made my life quite hectic... but also due to those same family problems i got to spend a good amount of my summer living alone, free to do whatever i want. those ~two months will go down in monstii history as a highly formative period in time of self discovery. (to be honest, most of what ive done is explore my neighbor hood. i went to the mall and a library once, but ive come to realize i hate taking the bus.) 

right now as i write this blog post im stuck inside again. my family is back home and its so hot out... and my depression has made me want to nothing but sleep all day. here i am... with those same feelings. the feeling of being trapped, waiting for school to start again as an escape from my home life. once again... ive become stagnant. 

to ensure i actually do remember all the things ive done over the summer, ive been taking pictures and videos on a camera ive had since like, fifth grade? ive never really had much use for it until now. looking back at all the photos ive taken has given me a little more resolve. mostly its just pictures of flowers i thought looked interesting... but they remind me of the feelings i had at the time when taking the picture. this summer has actually been very long for me. ive gotten over a lot... i think i can go through some more. summers not over yet. 

(i was listening to CURE -strawberry road version- by honeydip when i was writing this. it made me emotional. silly movie moments like that are among the things that keep me going.)